Looking at the pages of my life

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written @ 2:13 p.m. on Monday, Jan. 23, 2006

To find your brother standing where you stood years ago facing exactly the same scenario, with intriguingly akin circumstances, is amusing in a way.

haha.. it's in the blood.
!!WHAT THE HELL!!

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written @ 8:48 p.m. on Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006

heh.. sian.. gonna book in soon.. haii. anyway, guys, im goin to be on 2ntm standby duty from 24th-31st Jan. sucks. the whole of cny gone. ya.. and all the wayang and stuff will start coming in.. I hate all those visiting from big shots.

By the way, im goin to move my blog soon.. will update yall again. hah.. been talking abt moving it since like 2-3 yrs ago. ok, this time MUST move.

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written @ 8:08 p.m. on Sunday, Jan. 08, 2006

Some people are just too dense and insensitive to realise that there are actually people who cared. If we didn't, who the fuck will bother telling you all that? But, after thinking about it, I would think it's just a lonely cause. Just unable to get out of that vicious cycle which we are trying to pull you out from. It's nothing wrong being different, nor will you god damn lose any friends for it. It's not about you changing to an entirely different person. If you want it to be your way, so be it. Fuck. I'm just not going to continue anymore. It's just demeaning.

凌晨三点半
written @ 3:30 a.m. on Tuesday, Jan. 03, 2006

逃避，无止尽地逃。梦醒，空虚、迷惘。时光飞逝，事过三秋，依然触景伤情。我仍等待。像个傻瓜痴痴地望着那清空的交谈窗，又想说上几句，又恐无言以对。等待。。。夜深梦醒，绞痛、无助。谁人知？晨曦朝阳，便饰上那可纵容带笑于天塌地夸的一面，日复一日。逃避是痛苦的。仍然选择了它。我能撑多久？

Love me
written @ 2:52 a.m. on Monday, Jan. 02, 2006

I read a note my Grandma wrote
Back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat
And he showed it once to me
He said
Boy you might not understand, but a long long time ago
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none
But I loved your Grandma so
We had this crazy plan to meet
And run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter
And this is what it said:

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But i'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Until I see you again
I'll be loving you . . .
Love me

I read those words just hours before
my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of a church
Where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I've never seen him cry
In all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her
His eyes filled up with tears

And between now and then
Until I see you again
I'll be loving you . . .
Love me

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written @ 5:38 a.m. on Sunday, Jan. 01, 2006

Im so looking for trouble. I better start avoiding. I can feel it coming.

By the way, happy new year guys! hah.. dun even know who the hell still comes visiting me. Anyway, starting of 2006 means preparing to ORD! I'm so desperate for it yet sometimes I still feel abit attached to the detachment. hah.. just gotta cherish the times together while we still can.

Hmm.. there are so many things that I really wish to do when i get out of service. I already know the feeling of doing nothing at home. It just makes me feel damn rotten, wasting time like that. Therefore, I've decided to accomplish a few things b4 goin NUS.

1. complete my driving!
2. learn some tennis from anyone who knows enough to teach.( any takers?)
3. learn sth new! like a language or an instrument.
4. try to get a relieve PE job at hwa chong if possible.

After that, I'll go on adn make sure i make the best out of whichever course im goin to take in the future. No more setbacks this time. Flunked the 'A's already. I'm not goin to experience it again. Never again. The feeling of flunking it is actually alright. It's the aftermath that's unbearable. It is surprising how the same friends you had for the past few years can get accused for your poor results (it just takes one for them to start pointing fingers) by your parents of all people. And they will just complain to your relatives and grandparents abt them, making them think that it is the case. yar.. and all will start telling you abt how bad your friends were and you shdnt mix ard with them bla bla bla... was this close to an outburst then, but i merely snapped back, warned them not to put down my friends and walked away. Flunnking it was my fault and mine alone. Nobody had a part in it. They should just mind their own businesses and stop bloody comparing. That's the thing with relatives... Never stop comparing and then sometimes hurting the children unknowingly. Their own children... wth. What's their point man..

hah.. din realise i complained so much until then. sorry for that... anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR to everybody and may all your wishes and resolutions come true! happy 2006! I know it wld be a happy one for me!

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written @ 10:28 p.m. on Saturday, Nov. 26, 2005

oFF to Taiwan!! woah........
back on the 17th! cya then!

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written @ 1:40 a.m. on 2005-11-15

zZz...yawn....
Feeling damn sleepy now but kinda sian, dun really wanna slp yet.. hah.. wth. Oxymoronic.

Just burnt a bloody big whole in my pocket. Like 1k in 2 days? Hah... but the tv is cool! My room is almost complete after one long week of repainting the house and rearranging of my furniture. It looks neat, tidy and most importantly, spacious. Haha.. so with the addition of a 29 incher flat screen panasonic which costed me whopping half a k, my own ps2 and a dvd player, my cosy little room with its own "room entertainment" is near completion. Just less of a hi fi, a mini fridge and most important of all, a fixed air conditioner.

But a problem still lurks in the corner. I don't really have space for a table. Haha.. for studying and working of course. I need it. Well, still have close to a year before uni starts, think the problem will be solved by then. Don't think too much. Why am I so talking to myself now? urgh... Unnecessary. Pointless. Whatever lah..

Anyway, was sleepless that night. Thought about some stuff. But all revolving the same thing. Yes. I was thinking about the past, present and the future. Was thinking about what to do. It wasn't what you thought. Haha.. still dare to say I siao, so late never sleep, but you also replied what. That's something we have in similar, screwing up our body clock. haha... okk.. 'nuff said. IN CAMP so SIAN! though we have great buddies around! haha.. ciao!

Random thoughts
written @ 1:48 a.m. on Tuesday, Nov. 01, 2005

Was talking cock with my bro yest night. haha.. i think nowadays there arent many like us who can talk cock like frens. Chatted abt his sch life and such.. reminded me of jc days. hah.. all the scandals and stuff that all jc students do, which is actually the same year after year. He made me qt envious of his class.. reallly fun, unlike mine which was qt problematic as a whole. The attitude wasn't right to start with since day one of jae. Though things did change for the better slightly when the juniors came, i guessed it was abit late. Some problems were alr deeply rooted within some of us and it wasn't easy to resolve.

Arh... made me reflect on what im doin now. gave me a wake up call. i realised im too used to this army life where u tend to slack too much. u find no purpose in working hard. it is like a slow poison. Slowly, but definitely eating up your soul and spirits. Brainwashes you and makes you see the the future so bleak and lifeless which i see in the everyday working adult, totally engulfed by the rountine work and politics ard them. Politics is everywhere and i really hate it to the core man.. and im not the only one. there are many ppl who share this abhorrence but yet there are still so many ard who just cant live without it. Not that im a victim of any politics recently, but ive seen qt a few examples and it really got me questioning myself. Why work so hard when politics can just get you what you want? Or maybe it's because of such ppl ard which eventually convert non-politicians into one as they will definitely come across this same question?

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written @ 5:17 p.m. on Sunday, Sept. 04, 2005

Bits and pieces, I gathered. I realised, from then, I never forgot. Try as I may, I can never explain. I can never picture your face in my memory. It's blur and all I can make out are your eyes and the feeling. It feels like you would be gone from my memory if I can't see you enough. It's beautiful in its own way.